Part 5: You Deserved Better, Maggie
Of all the relationships and friendships I've had end in the past few years, this one is probably the one that I deserved the most. The details aren't important and probably would be far too disjointed to explain fully. The key thing to understand is that I lied and betrayed one of my closest friends. The intentions were good, or at least I was telling myself this; I told myself I was protecting her. In the end, Maggie was rightfully hurt that I underestimated her own strength and resilience. I should have told her the truth and then let her decide what to do with the information and dealt with the fall out, one way or the other.
Maggie forgave me but it was clear we could never go back to our tightly knit bond. Some things, while forgiveable, may never be forgettable. Some things strike the very core of a relationship and an infinite number of apologies won't help. I'm Canadian and I say "I'm sorry" as part of my national greeting; even those proffuse offerings will never fix my friendship with Maggie.
As children, we're often told by our parents to go apologize for something hurtful we've done and just as often, the parents of the corresponding child will tell their own child, "Ok, say it's all right and now you guys go back and play."
"I'm sorry for pulling on your ponytail."
"I'm sorry for wrecking your sand castle."
"I'm sorry for taking your toy."
But as adults, "I'm sorry" isn't a magical incantation that will erase the wrongdoings of the past. We're taught to say I'm sorry and too often we assume that we'll be forgiven and things will go back to the way they were. But this time, I can't run back to the playground with her. No take-backs. No resets. No restarts. No reloads.
But since I deserved it, I'm not asking for your pity. It's a hard lesson to learn. It's a hard friendship to lose.
I think all this comes with the territory of being an adult.
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